Fear is a Liar

According to Merriam-Webster, fear is defined as “to be afraid or apprehensive.”

Fear…. he is a liar,” comes from one of my favorite songs. I’ve loved it for a while now, but only recently did it start to resonate with me.

I was laid off the first week of September and I took it pretty well…at first. Week one felt like a week off – I ran errands that I had been putting off for months, had lunch with some friends, and thoroughly enjoyed having some time to myself to be home with my pups. Week two was when things started to go downhill. Being home all the time wasn’t the best, but I was still thankful for some down time.

Week three was when everything felt like it was crumbling around me. I had been applying to jobs like a mad woman – no less than 40 jobs per day [#excessive] – but I wasn’t hearing anything back. The two jobs I had interviewed for that I would’ve loved to have been offered, weren’t. Fear had set in – fear of the unknown.

What was wrong with me? Was I not qualified? Was it something I said? Did I dress poorly? Did I not make enough eye contact? Welcome back, anxiety.

As weeks four and five rolled in, my fear only increased. What were we going to do? Could we live only on one salary? Should I go out and get a part-time job? When was the right job going to come along? I truly believed I wasn’t good enough for any of the jobs I was applying for – my morale was at an all time low and the fear of the future was real.

Last Tuesday, I received a phone call offering me a job. I had started the interview process with this company the first week of August, but between crazy schedules and getting a Statement of Work signed, it took some time. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cry when I got off the phone with the recruiter – the sense of relief I felt was insane.

I was cleaning up my office, listening to Spotify, when the song “Fear is a Liar” came on. Listening to this song, I realized that everything had happened for a reason; there was a purpose for all of this. I wasn’t crazy about the job I had, in addition to wanting some time off. Well, wouldn’t you know, that’s exactly what I got. By being laid off, I had a month off to reset my mind and found a job I’m going to love.

The moral of this post is that fear is a liar. I let it tell me that I wasn’t good enough and that nothing was going to work out for me, when in reality, I am good enough and there was a much bigger plan out there for me.

In hindsight, I wish I would have embraced the situation instead of being so fearful of it. Embrace being off and spending time with my pups, embrace being able to meet my parents for lunch, enjoy being able to go walk around in this beautiful fall weather, and realize that everything happens for a reason and there’s a plan out there for you bigger than your current situation.

Sometimes a simple reminder is all you need to get through…you are good enough and this too shall pass.

© 2020 by Magnolias and Moscato